This quote came from a motivational and spiritual speaker Ralph Smart. My little sister turned me to his Youtube videos (link below), and I’ve been hooked. He preaches about positivity and tuning into yourself. I love watching his videos when I feel like I’m at my wits end. Which, is how I’ve felt all week. My 1 year old has been very needy and whiny lately, so I’ve really felt stretched thin. At the end of the day, I love him so much, its just that even us moms, need a break.
I should be updating my eyeshadow blog, but I’ve been too lazy to play with make up, and with my son being extra whiny, its hard to even look away without him crying about it. At first I thought, “well, maybe, I don’t play with him enough.” But then again, I’m a stay at home mom, who’s every waking moment consists of catering to my son, so maybe it’s the opposite, maybe I need to step back and let him cry. Being a mother is hard because its all about finding those balances. One of the more hard things about being a mom, is letting your child cry. Whether its because you’re establishing a bed time routine, or because you’re trying to break a bad habit, either way its so fucking annoying. Like really fucking annoying, to the point where screaming into a pillow is just not good enough. Throwing stuff at your “less than understanding” husband isn’t good enough, and quite frankly all the wonderful help and advice from your close friends and family, still is just not enough to drown out the miserable sounds of a crying child, one who has to cry…. Don’t take this as me saying that I’m one of those mothers that just lets her child cry, because as mentioned above, I am the complete opposite, which is why I’m even venting right now.
Lucky for me, through the unconditional love of the universe, or just my mom’s computer luck, I was gifted a nice little laptop. Previously, where I would have to steal 3 minutes a day to run upstairs to the pc, I can now sit and watch Logan, while doing my computer duties. Now I can edit videos, blog, check youtube and all the other fun things I miss doing. So thank you so much to my mother for passing down her old HP to me. I’ve rebooted and reinstalled everything so it works brand new, and has yet to give me any issues. Its got 4 gb ram and 500 gb storage, which is great, the only problem is the slow 2.5 GHz processor it has, but hey, I usually run one program at a time anyway.
So yea, back to my venting…so my son has been super needy this week, even when my husband is home to help out, Logan still obsessively follows me every where and whines if I step out of the room. I know its normal for a child who just turned 1 to do this, so I have to be extra patient and understanding, but I’m telling you it sucks. When I close my eyes at night, I still hear the echo of him crying, and sometimes I’ll check on him in his crib, and he’ll be sound asleep.
I really hope I’m not making my son out to be some bratty kid, because he is far from that. On contrary, I’ve been complimented many a time about how well behaved he is, how he doesn’t cry or fuss as much as any baby his age, etc etc. He really is such an angel and a blessing, its those solitary mommy moments I’m talking about. The worst thing about it all is, that even with all the help and support, its still a billion times easier to deal with a pain in the booty baby, alone, than with people around. With others,opinions are shared, and offers of help are giving, but then also routines are being broken, and new, inconvenient ones, are created. So next time your baby is crying, because a certain toy is out of batteries, or because he can’t touch the tv, instead of running and catering to him crying…just let him cry, because at the end of the day, you’re showing your child that crying will not change the environment around them, and that its ok to not always get instant gratification.
Anyway, if anyone got around to reading this, I would love to know if you thought this point was very controversial, or if you completely understand where I’m coming from.
Til next time
-Jackness
Ralph Smart’s youtube: Infinite Waters (Diving Deep)
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